Anxiety is a jerk. I never knew what it was until the Fall of 2010. Many things were causing me stress. Before I developed anxiety I was able to shake off so many things that bothered me. Rough day? No problem! I’d go home, have a drink with a splash of rum in it, watch some Netflix and go to sleep. Stress gone! But I had gone through some changes just before that which lead to anxiety making a daily appearance. Work was stressful and I felt like I was NEVER going to be promoted beyond the position I was in, I was dealing with an UNRULY cat at home who attacked me on a nearly daily basis, my school was demanding crazy high monthly payments in order for me to finish up my last 4 credits for a BA in film production, and the final piece of the crappy puzzle was… let’s just call him “dude”.
Between work, getting fangs jabbed into my body, school BS, and “dude”… things were not going well. Work got worse, my cat was clearly unhappy (which i felt bad about) and “dude” peaced out without a word, a reason or a goodbye (RUDE!). This was my trigger. The trigger that unlocked the door and let anxiety just waltz its ass right on into my world. Funny… I DON’T REMEMBER INVITING YOU IN!!!
After about a week of this unfamiliar state I was convinced I was going insane. I had trouble breathing, couldn’t think straight, and don’t even get me started on the panic attacks! I also had a number of doctor visits where they told me there was nothing physically wrong with me and it was probably anxiety. It was weeks of going through this and trying to hide it before I said anything to anyone. After a few months I was able to regain sanity but I was still having problems with not being able to quiet my brain. The more I thought about things, the more anxiety I had.
One day I got a text from my friend Marie asking me if I wanted to join her and one of our co-workers to sit and crochet. They offered to teach me and I jumped on it. Any reason to not have to be at home stuck with nothing but my thoughts. I wasn’t particularly interested in crochet. My mother learned to crochet at the age of 8. I grew up with her crocheting plenty… yet I was never interested to try. But at this point, I was up for anything. I went to a craft store, bought a skein of lavender colored yarn and an H hook and headed over to learn.
I caught on incredibly fast. I was shocked how easily it came to me. I found that when I was concentrating on that, I wasn’t thinking of everything else that was bothering me, which was a huge plus in my book. From that night on I had something that helped. Crochet gave me something to focus on. With opposite schedules keeping me from my friends I was unable to get together again with them soon after so I did the next best thing… I went to YouTube and watched crochet tutorials and crocheted along.
Do I still get anxiety? Yup. But I’ve also gotten better at coping with stress. I changed a lot of things in my life that caused me stress. I found a new job, I found a better home for my cat (which was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but worked out amazingly!), and I stopped letting shitty people’s actions affect me. I’ve also gotten pretty kick ass at crochet.
Thanks to Marie, Mo and YouTube tutorial creators for starting and fueling my addiction.
Catch you in the next post, crochet buddies!